I’ve been plagued by a weird obsession for the last decade, yet it also brought about a surprising, plot-twist success story.
A good place to start unpacking this is with my good old Evernote account. As of November 2020, I have 600+ notes in there.
That’s on top of deleting at least 100 other notes.
“Ok, cool story. But why is this important?”
For the last 10 years, I’ve been using Evernote to log ideas, take notes and put my learnings into words. There’s an obscene amount of information in there. Like Mike Posner said, “I got two lifetimes worth of ideas in my Evernote.”
On the surface, the sheer volume of this sounds great, even something to congratulate myself on. But there’s a shadow aspect of it all, driven by addiction and ultimately some not-so-helpful beliefs about myself.
It goes way beyond Evernote too. I recently threw away 20+ journals from the last 10 years. Those too were riddled with hastily scribbled ideas.
I also committed to a full information detox for the rest of this year. No reading books or listening to audiobooks, no reading articles, no YouTube videos, no podcasts, etc. I already don’t watch tv, or own one, which is a huge distraction and time-suck for most people. On top of that, I went on a social media hiatus for six months (though I might pop up and share this).
I’m virtually cutting out all sources of external information. I’ll explain more soon about why the information addiction and idea addiction went hand in hand.
In most cases, ideas and learning are beneficial. But I took it to such an extreme that it actually limited my life, instead of enhancing it.
In order to gain more perspective here, I’ll discuss a decisive transition point in my life.
The Making Of Idea Addiction
I never thought deeply about my path in life regarding work/career until AFTER I graduated college. Why? I coasted through college with all of my focus on partying and “being cool.” The shortsighted delusion of youth blinded me from even thinking about my life in the long-term sense.
Once I got into the “real-world” though, it all hit me at once. I flipped a switch within myself and embarked on an insatiable quest of learning and personal development.
I read books and articles like my life depended on it. I started applying everything at once. At first, it was exciting to eat healthy, exercise, get into great shape, learn new skills, express myself creatively and open up to new perspectives of reality.
One particularly influential book for me was The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. That book changed what I believed was possible in terms of work, money and travel. I took detailed notes from it and started writing down ideas of my own. One of the main themes of the book was freedom of time and location – the ability to live and work from anywhere, on your own schedule.
Soon enough, I was obsessed with having freedom of time and location. Although I had a “good job” at the time, it felt overly bureaucratic, dull and limiting for a free spirit like myself. So I compulsively thought and wrote about how to make money online and be wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Now to be clear, the problem was my obsession, not The 4-Hour Workweek premise itself.
Having freedom of time and location was just one aspect of my obsession with self-improvement. I obsessed over my diet, workout routines, dating women, learning new skills, life hacks, creative development and spiritual growth. Basically I was addicted to constantly improving every aspect of life. We’ll dive deeper into this theme soon.
Back to the freedom of time and location preoccupation. I spent so much of my free time reading books and articles and taking courses that promised the dream lifestyle of making money online and living/working wherever you wanted. I would write down 5-10 money-making ideas every day, and turn them around in my mind all day long.
Side Note: I was also fixated on my income coming from helping people on a deep level and using my own unique, creative gifts. So that limited my options, but also prevented me from falling into a lot of bogus biz opp offers and marketing schemes.
The first idea I actually tried out was writing an ebook called “…And College Loves Me.” It was a guide to hacking college, leveling up as a person and having a great time doing it. I put up a website for the book and naively expected money to come pouring in. After a few weeks… No sales whatsoever. I don’t think anyone even visited the website. Before trying anything else with that project, I decided the whole college-hacking thing wasn’t for me and moved on to other ideas that I felt would be more fulfilling and helpful for people.
From 2011 until recently, here are some of the projects I started:
- Workout Boombox – A website all about workout music.
- FeelinGoodFeelinGreat.com – The blog that I’m officially publishing my last post on this month.
- Wrote 20+ books – I thought I would be a rich and famous author by publishing ebooks on Amazon.
- Recorded over 300 videos for YouTube – I did a video a day for 200+ days straight in 2016.
- Started two different podcasts that both lasted less than a year.
- Started two more websites that lasted less than a year.
- Tried to start four different coaching programs (no one signed up, all four times – yikes).
- Tried to launch at least five different online courses (with disappointing results).
Plus dozens of other micro-tangents I went on that aren’t even worth mentioning here.
I don’t want this article to be all about my projects, or how to be successful online, because the idea addiction comes from a much deeper place. Now let’s start to pull the curtain back here.
Signs From Everyone Close To Me
The first signs that I was a bit extreme with information and ideas came from my mom. When I was in my stage of obsession with health and fitness, it was so over the top. I stuck to strict diet plans and would neurotically plan out every meal I ate. I also followed extreme workout plans and obsessed over that too. It was to the point where I would bring my own food to family functions. Or if I knew I was going to eat “off-limits” food, like on Thanksgiving, I would work out before eating, while everyone else was hanging out and having a good time.
Seeing this obsession over health and fitness, my mom would make little comments to me about finding balance and easing up. At first, I brushed her off. But then, little by little, I realized how imbalanced I was, and that having a six-pack and big muscles wasn’t the most important thing in life.
The next signs came from a friend of mine. He saw me listening to audiobooks and podcasts in every minute of my free time, writing like a madman and coming up with a new “best idea ever” every other day. I remember him telling me, “You don’t have to fill every second of free time with learning. Maybe just try driving in silence instead of listening to a podcast or audiobook.” He also gave me honest feedback on the lack of validity of some of my crazy ideas.
At first, I defended my addiction. I mean, I was learning. And learning is good, right? But after integrating what he said, I realized the validity of it. I was overwhelming myself with information. So I took his advice and drove in silence sometimes, or listened to instrumental music. This was the first time I actually reconsidered the sheer amount of information I was taking in.
A couple years later I got similar feedback from another friend who I lived with. He saw me constantly working on new projects and obsessively absorbing information. On multiple occasions, he told me I don’t always have to be working on something. And that it was okay to chill.
Again, I resisted at first. “Dude, I meditate for 20 minutes every day. I know how to chill.” Little did I realize, those 20 minutes were the only 20 minutes of the day that weren’t filled with ideas and information. And to be fully transparent, at least half of every meditation session was me thinking about ideas 🙂
Most recently, my wife Nicole has been a big catalyst in helping me see my craziness around ideas and information. She’s always called me out on my information addiction. Same with my constant barrage of new ideas.
Nicole’s invitation to me throughout this has been the same: Stop consuming so much information. Create more space to just be with yourself and learn to trust your own inner wisdom. Applying that has given me enough perspective to write this, as well as become aware of the root problem this all stems from…
The Root Problem
Like I mentioned before, learning and ideas are beneficial for most people. But I took it to an extreme. Why? What drove such an obsession with learning, self-improvement and always chasing a new idea?
It all comes down to one sentence: “I’m not good enough.”
This belief has been with me my whole life. It’s been such a core part of my world that I didn’t even realize it was there. Like the saying goes, “The fish are the last to be aware of the water.”
When I started really observing my internal dialogue, it sounded like…
- “I should be doing this.”
- “I need to do that.”
- “Maybe that would help.”
- “I could do that.”
I was constantly putting pressure on myself to do better. It was like having the most demanding, critical boss over your shoulder 24/7. But this boss was in my own mind.
And what’s the core belief associated with all of this self-imposed pressure? Not being good enough.
Not being good enough is another way of saying, “feeling unworthy.” It’s ultimately a self-worth issue.
Now I believe most people have some kind of self-worth block. It’s just that – according to your personality, experiences and self-awareness – the belief of unworthiness will manifest in a unique way.
Invitation: Take a moment to contemplate your own relationship with self-worth. What beliefs did you take on as a kid? Do you believe you’re not worthy or never good enough? If so, how does it manifest in your life?
For me, my life experiences, personality and interests made my self-worth issues manifest as an obsession with self-improvement. Both of my parents (and their lineages) hold similar self-worth beliefs, and my dad held everything I did to a high standard. He always pushed me to do better, with good intentions, but it shaped a “never good enough” belief. The plus side of this is I’m always willing to learn and grow, and have the courage and perseverance to do so.
On top of that, I’ve never really fit in. In every school and social situation, I always felt so different from everyone else. My true self was so weird and quirky, with a WILD imagination, but I put on a mask at school and with friends. Because of that, I always believed that my real self wasn’t “good enough” for the approval of my peers.
Then there’s the education system itself. It’s based on testing and grading. The better you perform, the more worthy you are. And mistakes are bad. Don’t make any mistakes. If you make too many mistakes, you’ll be a failure. This whole paradigm of education further escalated that “never good enough” belief within me. I put so much pressure on myself to perform well in school in order to prove my worth.
Now take that “never good enough” belief and mix it with a deep passion to help people and share spiritual wisdom, which I’ve always had. Add a dash of my own intuitive inspiration, which comes through a lot. Then mix all of that with the ridiculous amount of information I was consuming. That, my friends, is a recipe for an addiction to ideas, information and self-improvement.
Over the last few years, I’ve gone deeper and deeper into this belief system, gradually unraveling it. This inner reflection has uncovered some completely unexpected things…
Crossing The Chasm
In relation to self-worth, here’s what my internal dialogue looked like over the last ten years:
- “When I’m jacked, then more people will accept me and I’ll feel worthy.”
- “When that girl likes me, then I’ll feel worthy.”
- “When I prove to myself I can make money from my own ideas, then I’ll feel worthy.”
- “When I can travel the world on my own terms, then I’ll feel worthy.”
- “When my next book comes out and people tell me it changed their life, then I’ll feel worthy.”
- “When I have freedom of time and location, then I’ll feel worthy.”
Well, it turns out that all of those things actually happened. And guess what? I still didn’t feel worthy.
I was choosing to place my worth in external circumstances. If someone accepted me, I felt worthy. If something I did was successful, I felt worthy. My self-worth was conditional, dependent on the whims of circumstance. And as soon as the situation changed, I felt unworthy again. That’s an addiction, not a stable foundation for self-worth.
Instead, I’ve been repatterning my sense of self-worth to come from within. I’m choosing to see my self-worth in every moment. I’m realizing that my self-worth is inherent and unconditional. It simply IS, regardless of circumstance.
This realization has allowed me to see the beauty of my life, instead of always putting pressure on myself to do better.
When I let go of that “never good enough” lens, I see that my life is almost exactly what I had been obsessed with since I graduated college.
“Wait, I’m already living my dream…” has been an aha-moment for me many-a-times lately.
First, I’m married to my infinite love, who’s the most beautiful being in the multiverse. We have so much fun doing even the simplest things together, and she’s helped me on levels I never knew possible (including realizations I’m writing about here).
All of my obsession with getting attention from women, dating and not believing I could find someone as weird as me is irrelevant now. The reason why I’m in this relationship, and feeling this way about it, is because I’ve chosen to see my inherent self-worth.
The plot twist here is that she’s older than me and has two kids, which never occurred to me as I fantasized about my dream partner. But our situation is better than I could’ve imagined and came with so many unexpected gifts, which blows my mind.
Next, I’ve had freedom of time and location for the last five years. The plot twist with this one is that, instead of being the famous author or nomadic spiritual teacher that my ego wanted, I’m working at my dream job. For the last three years, I’ve worked for an amazing company called Lurn as a Content Manager. We help people learn digital marketing, entrepreneurship and personal development, and I play a big role in the creation of our content. I get to use my unique gifts and creativity, which makes it fulfilling and rewarding for me.
As I was writing this, I got a knock on the door and received this package from Lurn…
How’s that for a synchronicity?
Another part of living my dream life is with health and fitness. I’m no fitness model like I thought I wanted to be a few years ago, but I’m so comfortable in my body and grateful for its strength and vitality. Even when I was in the “best shape” of my life, I couldn’t have imagined being as comfortable with my body as I am now. Again, plot twist to an unexpected win.
Now, does this mean I’m opposed to more success or growth? Not at all. I’m just not attached to it, or dependent on it, for my sense of self-worth.
This is just the beginning of my life, in terms of living with a genuine sense of self-worth.
Growing Into My True Self
I’m calling this new phase of my life, “growing into my true self.” It’s characterized by a few important themes that will hopefully help you too…
Knowing Myself
As the maxim goes, “Know thyself.” I’m getting clearer and clearer about what makes me unique, and what is in genuine resonance with me on a soul-level.
I don’t want to be famous, a life coach, a YouTube star, a podcaster or have a bestselling online course. That’s not me. But when I was trying to prove my worth and consuming a crazy amount of content, I blindly tried to chase all of those things.
In terms of creative work, I love writing poetry, stories and occasionally articles like this. I also love to create guided meditations. I know my unique gifts and I know what truly lights my soul up. Will it evolve? Probably. But now I know myself enough to not chase things, imitate other people or pretend to be something I’m not.
The core of knowing myself is learning to focus inward more often. This means more time in meditation and journaling from the heart (not just listing ideas, lol).
This is why I’m doing an information detox until the end of the year. No reading books or listening to audiobooks, no reading articles, no YouTube videos, no podcasts, etc. Like I mentioned before, I already don’t watch tv and have been on a social media hiatus. However, if I feel deeply called to share, I might “post-and-go” or start scheduling posts from an external tool (but I definitely won’t be feed-scrolling). This information detox will help reset my addictive tendencies around information and ideas, allowing me to come into greater balance and mastery. It will also create more space for me to just BE.
Note: I’ve since eased back into social media using a strategy I call #Social30.
Another “know thyself” practice I’ve been doing is to shift my default response from logical analysis to tuning in. For example, if I came across an interesting question, I would always jump straight into analysis to try to figure it out. Now, I’m learning to tune in, bring my awareness inward and check with my intuition. It seems like a simple change, but this keeps me grounded in my “I Am Presence” and prevents me from going on all kinds of tangents.
Inspired Action
I first heard the term “inspired action” a couple years ago. Inspired action is taking action only when it comes from inspiration – a calling from the deepest part of yourself. The word inspiration itself even hints at being associated with the spirit within.
I used to think I was taking inspired action, but that was a complete delusion. I called “being really excited about every new idea” inspired action. And really, it was just me forcing and chasing things to try to prove to myself and others that I was worthy.
Now, because I’m tuning in more, I’m able to discern true inspiration from “just another ego-program.” I’m also learning patience, which is huge.
I’m good right now. I don’t have to chase anything or prove anything. So when genuine inspiration happens, I’ll know, and I can sit with it until I know the exact action to take.
No Pressure
I’m also learning how to live without putting pressure on myself. I became so accustomed to putting pressure on myself with everything that I forgot what life is like without pressure. It’s so relieving and freeing.
NOT putting pressure on myself comes from seeing my worth. When I know that I’m amazing and abundant as I am, right now, there’s no need to put pressure on myself. This realization alone feels like a huge weight lifted off my back.
Whenever the remnants of that “not good enough” self-talk comes up, and I notice that pattern of putting pressure on myself arises, I try to just observe it. I observe the self-talk – “I should be doing that…” – and I let it pass. Every time I do this, that belief dissolves a little bit more. So along with realizing my inherent worth, there’s a continuous mindfulness practice of observing the patterns with loving awareness until they dissolve.
Gratitude
The last theme to discuss here is gratitude. I’m learning, on a deep level, to feel and express gratitude for everything in my life: Nicole, our home, my job, health, my family, the park, clean water, tasty food, etc. This isn’t a once a day thing either. I’m making this an almost continuous practice of appreciation, all day every day.
Remember, what we appreciate appreciates.
Relief, Gratitude & Flow
With all of this inner work and reflection around self-worth, a simple technique came to me that I’ll share with you.
It’s a three-step process:
- Relief – Realize that you’re worthy as you are, right now, and that you don’t have to put pressure on yourself. Give a big exhale and let your shoulders drop, feeling relief.
- Gratitude – Say or write everything you’re grateful for, especially the little things. Feel the inherent worth and abundance of your life here and now.
- Flow – Ride the relief and gratitude into the divine flow, that flow of your soul. You can even move your body in slow wavelike motions to help yourself embody that divine flow and live in it more often.
Try that out. The more you do it, the more you’re re-patterning limiting beliefs and operating from higher states of consciousness.
The Upgraded Self
Now to end this essay, I’ll share a poem I wrote that sparked this whole idea…
In my immaturity
I chased everything
Money, girls, creative projects
And what did I get?
Frustration, disappointment, exhaustion
I didn’t know who I was
Nor my path
I didn’t know how to be still
And patiently await opportunity
Now I’m slightly more mature 😉
I’ve learned to acquaint more deeply with who I Am
And stand in my unique truth
Even if it makes no logical sense
I trust that subtle still voice within
I’ve learned to slow down
To find stillness
To be patient yet perseverant
In this, I magnetize my highest good
With or without physical action
Re-member, you are worthy as you are right now. There’s no need to put pressure on yourself, prove anything or chase things based on other people’s programs.
You are a unique manifestation of God/Source. Embrace it here and now.
I’ll leave you with a question to help embody the big lesson here…
What if you’re already infinitely worthy and abundant? Live from that space.
With Infinite Love,
~ Stephen Parato
PS – If this resonated with you, please share it. We never know who we can reach and help just by sharing.
Related Resources
Information Addiction:
- 5 Day Information Detox Challenge
- A Survival Guide for Beating Information Addiction
- Shiny Object Syndrome – How to Stop Chasing Different Goals
- You’re Reading This Because You’re Addicted to Information
Self-Worth:
